Wife Swap: Cullens vs Maloneys
by Eliptical
Summary: Fifty years post-Breaking Dawn, Emmet and Alice decide to enter Esme in Wife Swap. What happens when they get stuck with an annoying, overly-peppy soccer mom? Hilarity , of course! *Regular pairings* Rated T for mild language
1. 1 You did WHAT?

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight saga. Aka, I am not Stephanie Meyer.**

* * *

Alice's POV

I'm nearly bouncing of the walls in the school parking lot as I wait for Edward to get in the car, receiving stares from other, naive students. I had a vision at lunch; the producers of Wife Swap got our letter and video and we were going to be on their show!

Edward looks at me quizzically as he holds the door open for Renesmee and Bella before sliding into the driver's side. The wind blew around us in long gusts making Renesmee shudder, even in her thick parka. I grin at him, still reciting passages from the Qura'an in Japanese backwards to block my thoughts.

We recently moved away from New York, and before that, Oregon. It's been fifty years since the Volturi came to Forks, and since then life's been really dull. So, that's why Emmet and I sent in the application to Wife Swap for Esme.

_-Flashback-_

_"What the hell?" Emmet glared at the tiny print on the computer screen, his marble face scrunched up in concentration. "Why do they want to know all this stuff?!" _

_I rolled my eyes and yanked the laptop away from him, reading the questions at vampire-speed._

_"Gimmie that" Emmet whines, then pokes his tounge out of his mouth as he concentrates on the questions. "Easy" he mutters, typing away._

_Family Name: _

_"Wait, do we put Cullen, Hale, or McCarthy?" Emmet asks, somewhat alarmed. I smack him upside the head, making him bump into a rack of ballgowns. I jumped up and held the fabric against my face. "My babies" I whimpered, cradling the dresses against my face._

_"Um, aren't those Bella's?" Emmet asks me as he types, not looking up. "So?" I asked, shooting him a look before grabbing the laptop from him again and finishing the application._

_Family Name: Cullen_

_His Name & Age: Carlisle, _

_"Um...What do I put for his age?"_

_"Three-hundred-something" Emmet replied proudly_

_He earned another smack to the head._

_Carlisle, 34_

_Her Name & Age: Esme, __28 "That's an insult. She's physically 26."_

_"Whatever!"_

_Maiden name: Platt_

_(We skipped the Contact information for later)_

_Names and Ages of Children from this marriage:_

_(Adopted!)_

_Alice Cullen-17_

_Emmet Cullen-18 "Hey! I wanna be nineteen!"_

_"Fine."_

_Emmet Cullen-19 "Thank you.__"_

_Rosalie Cullen-18_

_Jasper Cullen-19_

_Bella Cullen-17 _

_Renesmee Cullen- _ "What should we put there? Eight?"_

_"No! Put fifteen."_

_Renesmee Cullen (Nessie): 15_

_Eddie Cullen: 17_

_"Hee hee! Edward will love that."_

_What is Dad's Occupation and work schedule?_

_Doctor; tons of hours._

_"Wow. That's totally specific."_

_"I know right!"_

_What is Mom's occupation and work schedule?_

_"Um..."_

_None?_

_We finished the rest of the application and printed it out with the handy portable-printer we had in storage. Good timing, too, because just then the door of the closet in Edward and Bella's brand-new cottage swung open, revealing a shirtless Edward in his boxers and a disheveled Bella with tangled hair and wearing one of Edward's button-down shirts with her chin covered in blood (She still wasn't good at hunting) and looking slightly flushed; if that was possible. They had gone hunting earlier, but I could see that they got... distracted. _

_I kicked Emmet as a warning. Edward narrowed his eyes at us. "What are you doing in our closet?" he asked suspiciously._

_We smiled too innocently and simultaneously said, "N-o-o-o-o-o-o-thing..."_

_He glared at us, picking up the laptop and pointing towards the door. "Out. Now." he commanded._

_Emmet grinned, snatching the laptop from Edward's iron grasp and lazily walking out of the door, waving._

_"Okay, Okay. Just make sure to keep it down tonight. We can hear you two from the main house-" but is cut off by Edward punching him in the back and shutting the door on us. "Niiight" I sang softly, knowing that they can hear me. _

_-End of Flashback-_

"So, what's going on?" Bella asks suspiciously, her golden eyes narrowing as she rests her chin on Edward's shoulder from the backseat as he drives while glaring at me, tugging the designer jacket I wrestled onto her off of her shoulders as we pull out of the school parking lot.

I smile innocently, only then noticing Edward and Renesmee also staring at me suspiciously.

"Nothing!" I insist, holding my hands up in surrender.

Once we pull up into the driveway I launch out of the passenger-side window, screaming (the car is still running as they drive up to the garage). I race over to the mailbox with Emmet following from where he was in Rosalie's car driving behind us. We make it to the mailbox in a second before ripping the tiny tin door off of its hinges and grabbing various envelopes out of the box and flipping through the papers until I find the letter from ABC.

"Here it is!" I cry in excitement, tearing off the edge and grabbing the paper inside. I'm grinning like a fool as the others come up behind me to read over my shoulder.

Emmet and I seem to be the only ones exited; everyone else is bitter about it.

They'll see, Oh they'll see...

* * *

**Please leave a Review! They make my day! ,' )**


	2. 2 Explanations and New moms

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...**

**Ps. No offense to Emos, or anything else said**

* * *

Esme's POV

It's been a week since we got the letter in the mail, and today I get to go for two weeks to my new family, starting later today. The day we got the letter in the mail, and after a few hours of persuading, screaming, and literally chasing him around with a pitchfork, Emmet finally showed us the video he sent in to ABC.

Afterwards, we all just sat there, speechless. We could have been sitting there for days until Nessie started whimpering because of all the frozen statues staring blankly at the TV screen, where a picture of Emmet smiling broadly, with a messy banner behind him that said, "Cullen" on it in messy pink handwriting.

Once Nessie broke the silence we all whipped our heads around to glare at said-vampire.

because the video went like this;

-Flashback-

_"Hello! I'm Carlisle Cullen!" Emmet said in a weak attempt at Carlisle's voice, "And this is my family!" while the camera zoomed in on various pictures of everyone on the mantel Rosalie recently installed, while he hummed the tune of 'Chariots of Fire' off-key in the background._

_"First up," he began, "this is me; Carlisle Cullen" the camera zoomed in on Carlisle working at his desk, inside the house. Emmet had filmed it from a tree top outside._

_"I work in a hospital all day doing stuff to help people and then come home to my loving family"_

_"Here we have my handsome, smart, strong, sexy, cool, awesome..." We had to fast-forward the part where Em kept listing his (nonexistent) traits. "... adopted Son, Emmet." Each description of someone was followed by a clip of that person doing something they do a lot._

_"Here we have Rosalie, who is also Emmet's wife." We all gaped. "What!" Rosalie screeched. "You told them we were married!" _

_"Meh, details" Emmet shrugged it off, turning back to the screen. "This is Alice Cullen, my daughter..." Alice's description was even longer than Emmet's suggesting that they did this video together. _

_On and on it went, with Emmet earning glares from Jasper when he said he was "Emo with quite a few emotional problems" and even more glares and laughter when he says, "Edward and Bella are passionately in love and eh... have nightly 'hobbies' that keep them occupied a lot. Bella has been treated recently for having suicidal thoughts from Edward leaving her, so keep those two rabbits together! PS, Edward is a big fat cheater!"_

_"I am not suicidal!" Bella cried, jumping up from Edward's lap and glaring daggers at Emmet._

_"Dude, you hang out with werewolves, you jumped off a cliff, and you _wanted _to become a vampire. I think that qualifies as being suicidal."_

the video finished shortly after that.

"What!" Emmet shouted, grinning like he did on the screen, "That was genius!"

Now, here I am, a week later, on the doorstep with Carlisle, Bella, and Renesmee, waiting for the camera crew to come and take me away.

Once the limo arrives, I kiss Renesmee once goodbye, then Carlisle and Bella as I get into the car and we drive away, the camera crew recording it all.

* * *

(This is the only time I'm going to write about the new family)

Esme's POV

When I step out of the car, I glance once at the cameras before walking up the cobblestone trail up to a pleasant-looking yellow, one-story house with brightly colored flowered flowers in the curtained windows, despite the gray skies above.

I unlock the door to find a spic-and-span kitchen with cheap appliances. On the counter is a tiny booklet, with 'New mom' written in cursive.

_Welcome to my family, Wife Swap mother!_

_Hello! My name is Sandra Maloney and I have four children; two daughters and two sons. I assure you that they are beautiful children who go to school each day with bright smiles on their faces.  
We eat breakfast and dinner together each day, so remember to cook! The children take lunch to school each day, so remember to pack that in the morning. I do laundry, clean the house, etc. while the children are at school. My children all have cheer leading chess club, student body government etc. after school. (See pamphlet with schedules on fridge door) My husband is out at the moment; he is on a business trip in Washington, DC :(. I am the leader of the Good Neighbor association, so please remember to go to our meetings on Saturday nights! The family dress code, clothing schedules, etc. are next to the washer in the laundry room. Good luck with my family! I'm sure I will love yours as well!_

I sigh. This is going to be one hard family.

* * *

Bella's POV

The camera crew kicked us out of the house to get the new mom settled. I'm especially bitter about this entire arrangement because Edward and I don't get enough privacy here than we do at the cottage, since we have to stay here with everyone else. I take Renesmee's hand and follow Carlisle to the garage.

* * *

Sandra's POV

I can't wait to get to this new house! In my mind, I imagine a happy family with a smiling husband with pleasant-enough features, tall, who always wears polo shirts and khakis. The children will be blond, one boy and one girl, maybe from ages ten to twelve, a little younger than my children. OOH! and maybe, just maybe, they'll have a baby, too! They will live in a tiny suburban home with a minivan, and everyone will be polite and sweet! We can even eat all of our meals together, just like my own family. I just know it.

As the limousine pulls up a dirt road in the middle of a forest, I know we're going the wrong way. Then, a part of my dreams are crushed. Aw,! no tiny suburban home. Oh well. This family can't be anything from perfect. My eyes bug out of my head when I see the HUGE mansion we pull up to. And I mean _huge. _There must be a billion bedrooms! And, everything is spaced out, with huge windows lining the walls.

I pat my carefully-styled blond hair, **(A/N: Link in my profile) **and step out of the car, smoothing out my bright-pink suit as I make my way up to the grand front door, unlocking it carefully with the gold-colored key I had received earlier.

Inside, everything is light, airy, and pale colored. The white-granite counter top held the handbook the Cullen mom must have written me. I smile brightly at the camera man before opening up the folded piece of paper.

Inside, written in elegant calligraphy-like cursive, reads;

_Dear New Mother;_

_Welcome to the Cullen household. Here we have me, Esme Cullen, my husband, Carlisle Cullen, and our adopted children Edward; 17, Bella; 17, Alice; 17, Emmet; 19_ (It looked like the '19' was erased and re-written over and over) _Rosalie; 18, Jasper; 18, and Renesmee (Nessie). Carlisle works many hours of the day, so he isn_'t _home often. Your room is the second floor; fourth door on the right. The children all go to the local high school and college (depending on their age). While the kids are at school, I clean, cook, do laundry. (Do not clean the children's room. I learned that from experience. *shudders*) Enjoy my family!_

Well, that wasn't what I was expecting. I imagined the children... young and... few. I put down the paper and make my way up the grand staircase. The second story is as light as the first, with seven doors on either side of a long hallway. In the first room is a bathroom that looks completely unused.

The next room is a bedroom with a huge bed, a walk-in closet bigger than my room at home, and a vanity. Ugh. Spoiled children.

The room after that is similar, but with slightly less clothing in the closet and men's clothing instead on the floor. I frown at this.

The next two rooms are also bedrooms; a girl's room with pink walls and toys lining the shelves, and a colorful double-bed with a bookcase against the window. The books are so advanced that I wonder who actually reads Stephen King and has purple butterfly pillows all in one room.

The last bedroom has a wall completely filled with CD's and a fancy music player against the foot of the bed, which is made and neat.

On one of the nightstands is a photo collection of a girl with dark hair and brown eyes and a boy with bronze hair, and also an adorable baby with a man with russet skin and dark hair. Even a picture of a wolf!

The next room is another bedroom but looks completely unused. All of the bathrooms in the other bedrooms look unused, also.

The third story consists of a huge master bedroom and a few other rooms. Jeez, these kids are spoiled. They need to be taught a lesson.

I wipe the frown from my face when I hear the car pulling up on the lot, and rush downstairs, the cameras right behind me.

* * *

**End of chapter 2! Review please! ':)**


	3. 3 First prank, introductions, and tulips

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I am not her, obviously.**

* * *

Sandra's POV

A few seconds later, the front door opens and a family fit for the runways walks inside, most of them in pairs. First is a short, deathly pale girl with dark shadows under her eyes with short, spiky black hair holding hands with a (much!) taller, blond boy with the same bruise-like shadows under his eyes. He's as pale as the girl, and looks uncomfortable.

After them is a brunette-haired girl with a nervous expression upon her angelic face as she gazes up at a bronze-haired teenage boy with a gold-like face, his arm wrapped reassuringly around the girl's shoulders. They are also pale and shadow-y.

Then is a tall, muscular - and I mean, _really _muscular, - guy with dark hair and a goofy smile with a menacing-looking girl with flowing blond hair and her arms crossed over her perfect chest.

Following them is who I assume to be Carlisle, with the same pale-skin and shadows as everyone else, his golden hair blowing in the breeze slightly as he steps behind them, following him is an adorable teenage girl with long, curly copper hair that reaches her waist and the only one without the deathly-pale skin. I also notice that everyone has strange golden eyes; the only exception the girl with the long copper hair, who has chocolate brown eyes.

They all stop in front of me, smiling, scowling, or just plain staring.

"Hi!" the pixie girl says brightly, "I'm Alice. This is Jasper, that's Bella and Edward, Emmet and Rosalie, Carlisle and Renesmee. You can call her Nessie." The Bella girl shoots her a look.

"Hello!" I greet them, "I'm Sandra! I'm your new mother for the next two weeks. I can't wait to start!" Rosalie smirks and Emmet stifles his laughter, and Edward kisses Bella's temple. WERE THESE CHILDREN DATING?!

Edward looks up at me, pursing his lips to keep from smiling. Hm. I wonder why.

* * *

"Kids! Dinner's ready!" I call from the bottom of the stairs. None of them had come down since that afternoon when we had gotten to know each other. The only thing I learned about them is that they don't like to talk about themselves, while now they know everything about me.

I purse my lips when I hear another thud, as well as a soft groaning sound. That routine had been going on all day; a thud, a moan or groan. I'm a bit curious as to what sort of game that is that the are playing.

Eventually, curiosity gets the better of me and I stomp up the stairs to see what's going on. I hear a hushed whisper followed by the sound of wind blowing. I open up the first door I see, which happens to be the one with the vanity and huge closet.

Inside is the pixie-girl, Alice. Is there someone else in there with her? Alice is already at the door, her strange gold eyes wide and her hair black, short hair tangled. She seems antsy about something as she tosses a phone onto the bed behind her. She clears her throat, and asks in a slightly raspy (Not that it affects the wind-chime tone of it) voice,"Sandra, how can we help you?"

"Uh," I shake my head. "Tell your other siblings to come down to dinner right away. We have a family meeting!" Alice cringes at the part about dinner, but shrugs it off and nods.

* * *

Bella's POV

Alice rounds all of us up from our... afternoon activities... and tells us to get downstairs. Sandra is waiting in her pale pink conservative polo shirt and long slacks that reach past her waist, (she changed from earlier), smiling her bright red smile, and gestures to the table where a big meatloaf waits.

"Good Evening" she says in a failed attempt at a Romanian accent, "Come on and sit down, we have important matters to discuss."

We all take a seat next to our respective partners.

"okay." she begins, "it has come to my understanding that all of you go to the local high school and college, right?" she looks around where nobody moved, her lips pursed.

"Yes" Carlisle confirms, taking a bite of the meatloaf. "Kids, why don't you start eating" he says sternly, and we all tentatively take tiny bites of the loafed meat. It tastes like dirt.

Sandra smiles brightly, clasping her hands together in her lap. Her blood rushes faster in her veins momentarily. "So," she continues, "I think it's a bit young for all of you to be driving to school each day, so why don't I drive you?" I roll my eyes at this. Seriously? I'm older than her. (I think...)

"So I ask of you that you all be awake each morning at six o' clock sharp."

We all nod, even though it's a lie.

"Good. And I expect it to stay that way. By the way, my own children, Ben and Natasha, are about your age, Renesmee. I hope you live up to their shoes! I trust your parents raise you well." _Live up to their shoes? What does that even mean? _Renesmee asks me through hand contact. I shrug. Sandra says something else with a nod and another smile before continuing eating, not noticing how none of us eat any more.

* * *

"Are you recording?" Alice hisses to the nervous camerawoman. She nods reluctantly, and I can hear her heart beating frantically. "Good" Alice says simply, then turns back to the rest of us.

"Okay, I saw that this would work." she glances back over to the woman, who can't see any of us in the dark. We're hiding in Renesmee's (giant) old toy box she used to play with every day when she was younger - with Jacob, in one of the extra bedrooms, surrounded by barbies and stuffed animals. "We're going to get Jacob to come by, and you can guess what happens next." she says, grinning slyly.

"I can't! What happens next?!"

"Shut up, Emmet."

Then Alice turns to the confused camera-bearing woman, her bleached blond hair in a high pony tail on her head, her pale blue eyes wide with panic and confusion.

"Jacob's our. . . . Czechoslovakian Wolf dog" She says easily. Camera woman nods. Alice hands me the phone, already dialed to the number of the phone in Sandra's room.

It rings four times before she answers. "Hello?" she asks groggily, and I can hear her sitting up to see the number.

"Hello," I say in my highest voice, my fingers pinched over my nose to sound nasally, "This is Mrs. AnnoyenMcNeighberr, and I just saw your dog in my yard, and I was wondering if you could come over and get him? He's mauling my tulips!"

"Um,... I don't think ..._we_... have a dog-"

"Yes! His collar clearly says Cullen!"

"Eh, okay... Be right over..."

She hangs up and we all fall over laughing. "She actually believed it!" Alice gasps between laughing.

"She actually believed we have neighbors!" Jasper smirks, grinning from the giddiness in the air.

"So, what happens next?"

We all whip around to see the camera light still blinking, and the woman cowering in the corner, intimidated by all the eyes staring at her, despite not being able to see us.

Rosalie scoffs. "Duh. We go watch her find the mutt."

"Rose!"

"Fine. Jacob" She shudders at his name.

After going out back to watch Sandra - being silent of course, Renesmee is still sleeping - We freeze for a second after hearing her blood-curdling scream. Camera lady cries out too, but we're all laughing too hard to notice.

She runs away, back to the house, shouting, _"Carlisle! CARLISLE!"_

__We all go back inside, running at vampire speed so no one will see us, back to our rooms. She races up the stairs, but little does she know that Carlisle is at the hospital tonight, which is why we chose tonight to call Jacob.

She bursts into our room, where we lie under the covers, breathing evenly and quietly, the covers up to our chins. She flicks on the light, and we sit up slowly, rubbing our eyes.

"What is it, Sandra?" asks Edward, his human facade perfect, as usual.

"The- wolf! Neighbor! Annoying- TULIPS!" She bursts into tears as she rushes out of the room.

Huh. I guess she didn't notice the gender-mix up.

* * *

**Review please! Just a smiley face is awesome! :)**


	4. 4 More pranks and recorded tapes

**Author's note: There's more fluff in this chapter... **

**PS, I got one of these pranks from that show _Just Kidding, _sorry if it's too familiar.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. **

* * *

Rosalie's POV

The next day, Carlisle of course came home to find Jacob on the front porch, still in his mangy wolf form, with the electric collar around his neck, claiming he was afraid to phase back in case it triggered the collar.

Carlisle had asked who was responsible for the electric collar, and the damn traitors all pointed at me. So I ended up the one to apologize to the barbie wanna-be, who of course grounded me. So now, here I am, locked in my room, listening to the argument going on downstairs; the aftermath to the second phase of our prank, where Edward and Bella were 'found' in the same room, in the same bed.

_"Really, children, that was completely and utterly irresponsible. How long has it been going on?"_

_"Relax, Sandra. They're teenagers, but they're both very responsible. Didn't you catch them_ sleeping?"

_"Yes, but... I don't trust that they didn't do anything..."_

_"Very well. Care for me to speak to them?"_

_"No, I'll do it."_

_"EDWARD! BELLA!"_

_"Yes?"_

_"We need to talk"_

_"Hang on. Rose! Feed Jacob!"_

"FINE!"

_"Okay, well... we need to talk..."_

_"What! You think they're virgins and tr yin to protect them? Yeah right!"_

_"EMMET!"_

_"Sorry."_

_"Edward, Bella, really, we have ten bedrooms in this house - why don't you separate from each other?"_

_"HA HA! Yeah right!"_

_"EMMET, SERIOUSLY. GET OUT."_

_"Fine, GOSH!"_

_"So anyway-"_

_"FIRE! FIRE!"_

__I hear them run outside to the front yard, and I walk over to the window to see what's going on. I almost fall out the window to see Alice dancing in a native-american costume - headdress and all - around a huge bonfire pit of clothing I assume to be Sandra's. She screams when she sees the fire, desperately taking off her nylon jacket and fanning the flames, but Alice must have put some effort into that fire because it keeps on burning.

"BURN THESE CLOTHES TO THE PITS OF HELL!" she screams, throwing more clothes in.

Sandra stands there, frozen, for what feels like hours. Eventually, she shakes her head, then slowly walks back to the house. Afterwards she has a meltdown.

* * *

Bella's POV

We decide, since last night didn't get the desired effect like we thought it would, we would play another 'walk-in' prank. So, while she's shopping for "dinner", we plan it, with the um... "help" of Emmet and Rosalie, thanks to the... tape they recorded.

So when everyone else is out hunting after another drab day of school, Edward and I are in Carlisle's study at the end of the hall (he has a few studies), with the tape playing the um. . . "Noises". We'll turn it off when she comes up the stairs.

Edward grins at me when the door opens, and I have to remind myself to act natural; dazzled by his happy face.

* * *

Sandra's POV

I finished shopping for the weekend dinner, and by the time I get home the kids should be back. Those kids are worse than I thought. Who in the world would let their kids get a freaking wolf dog?! (excuse my language!)

By the time I got home, I was immedietly suspicious. The house was too quiet, I thought as I parked over the charred remains of the bonfire from earlier.

I stood up and walked inside, blushing immedietly at the sounds coming from upstairs. I could tell it wasn't Carlisle, the voice was much deeper and there was a bunch of thumping noises. After a few minutes and I'd finished putting away all of the groceries, I decided it was getting out of control. I'd told those kids that they had to be discreet!

I steeled myself and slowly climb the stairs, the loud moans and thumps getting louder and louder. I cringed when I realized it was in Carlisle's study. They're doing _that _in _there?!_

__Finally, when there was screaming, I shoved open the door and shouted - firmly and decidedly. - "ENOUGH! GET OFF OF EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW!" With my eyes closed, because it would be disgusting to catch them in the act.

I open my eyes when the sounds stop, to find Bella and Edward sitting at opposite desks on either side of the room.

"W-what are you doing?" I asked stupidly. Edward looked confused, whereas Bella looked truly concerned with my health.

"We're studying for the English test next week?" Edward asked, confused.

"Oh. Well, I thought... What were those noises?" I ask them, crossing my arms over my chest.

"What noises?" Bella asked, putting the book from her lap onto the desk, "Edward threw a pencil at me, so I screamed." She looked over me, her perfect brows creased in between.

"What did you hear?" Bella asked, swiveling in her chair to face me.

"Um..." My face heated up, and I pursed my pearly-pink lips together. "Nothing" I said quickly, spinning around and leaving.

Well, _that _was embarrassing.

* * *

Bella's POV

Once she was gone, Edward and I collapsed on top of each other, laughing our heads off. Edward then told me what she'd been thinking, making me laugh harder.

He pressed his lips to mine. "That was a good one" I grin and nuzzle into his neck. "Yeah."

Edward rolls over so I'm on top of him, across his chest. "..._But, _It is getting harder to come up with ideas..."

"I agree" I murmur, kissing his jaw.

"We need to go hunting later" Edward reminds me, noticing how dark my eyes are. I sigh deeply, nodding. "Sandra's sounding tastier and tastier..." I tease, tangling my fingers in his bronze hair. His smile fades, but he keeps his tone light and teasing. "Sure, if she wasn't so... Sandra"

I laugh again and wrap my arms tightly around his same-old torso that I love so much.

He grunts and leans his head back against the white-carpeted floor.

"Great. Emmet's back and everyone told him that we're not helping him anymore, and he's making more pranks. But he's making more naive ones."

I roll my eyes and crawl closer, wrapping my legs around his and kissing his nose lightly. "Too bad we'll be busy.."

"Right"

* * *

Emmet's POV

This is going to be so awesome! Because, as everyone knows, I'm awesome too.

"Hey, Sandra!"

"Yes, Emmet?" she puts down her girly knitting tools and stands up.

"I made some lemonade - you know, working out and all, it's good to hydrate"

"Oh, sure, Emmet!"

"Here ya go." I say happily, my fake sweat-stained skin and shirt glistening under the lamp.

She takes a sip. "Wow, this is wonderful!"

"Thanks. I made it myself. Wanna see?"

"Why, sure!"

"C'mon," I say, standing up with my pitcher of lemonade and guide her to the gym. She gapes at all the high-tech equipment.

"Here," I say, handing her a lemon, "This is how," she takes another sip, "Look," I say, taking the lemon and sticking it under my super-muscular arm and squeeze it into the bowl, where then I grab a bottle of water and a cup of sugar, pour both into my mouth, gurgle it, and spit it into the bowl. I mix it up with my bare hands, then wipe it into my shorts.

"Ta-da!" I cheer, pouring it into a bowl.

Sandra looks like she's going to pas out.

"What? are you jealous of my awesome lemonade-makin' skills?"

* * *

**I'm not good at making endings, so sorry if it's stupid. Please leave a review!**


End file.
